How Do I Baby

Babies are so scary. Sometimes in my youth I would be tasked with caring for a baby, and every time it did anything I thought "Well this is it, this is where someone else's baby dies or is seriously injured in my care." Even holding babies with a bunch of people around, you fee like everyone is watching you hold a million dollar Ming vase with butter-smeared fingers.

Also poop is gross so I will never reproduce because I have learned that having children means poop everywhere all the time. And I would only want a baby if it turned out to be inesparable conjoined twins. It's the only thing I've ever wanted.